They say you just know when you know.
No way, no way I’m looking down at two solid lines.
The two lines that would bring any 20-year-old girl to her knees.
The two lines that are about to change my life forever.
The very two lines that filled every ounce of my body with fear,anxiety,excitement, and an abundance of over-whelming emotions.
“This can’t be real” I say to myself over a hundred times.
There is no way me, Miranda Pennington, can be pregnant.
Take two, would you look at that, still those terrifying bold lines appear stronger than ever.
My body went numb, I let the test fall to the floor, my hands sweaty and shaking and my jaw dropped in complete awe.
Do you jump up and down in excitement?
Do you cry in fear?
Do you sit in silence, at a loss of words?
I can tell you my experience consisted of complete shock and LOTS of tears.
How? How do I go from living selfishly for myself for 20 years to wake up one day to the news that another human life is going to depend on me for the rest of their life?
You don’t it’s that simple.
First, you have to accept the news yourself; that alone is a big challenge.
Accept that your life is about to completely change.
Accept that you are no longer living for yourself.
Accept and fully dedicate your mind,body,and soul to the little life growing inside of you.
Can you make that commitment for 9 months?
I knew that I would give myself no other option.
Yes, Yes I can and will commit to the health and well-being of my unborn child.
It was an easy decision for me.
Now what ? now it’s time to tell my partner.
Something that felt even more over-whelming than looking down at those scary bold lines.
I cried for what seemed like forever until I could jumble up enough words in a text and send it.
How awful of me to tell him via text message, but before you judge let me say I am not good with words when in this state of shock and I could barely process my thoughts enough to get my message wrote out.
You may ask; what were you scared of?
I can easily answer that.
I was scared of abandonment.
I was scared that my child would grow up without a father.
I was scared that his and I’s family would hate me and be filled with disappointment.
Scared that I would be judge and looked down upon for being another young mom.
Scared that I would lose my best friend,soul mate, my everything.
So yeah..that text message didn’t sound so bad when I had all of those awful thoughts sprinting through my mind and body.
Send. I did it, the news is out.
“Phone rings” I look down and see his name.
I have never felt more anxious.
I start reading the preview of the message as it flashes across my screen…
Is this real life ? He isn’t mad ? He is excited ? whoa.. totally unexpected.
The amount of love and support that came from this man was over-whelming.
Guys are not like that today, so of course after being burned as much as I have in the past I thought the worst.
He even asked me “Are you even excited in the littlest bit?”
which is odd coming from the guy right?!
I WAS SO SCARED!
Of course I was excited but also drowning in fear of raising my own child, labor, the road ahead..
I didn’t know how to feel or process this news..all I did know was that my life was about to change forever and IT DID.
I now started my long journey of a pregnancy that had A LOT in store for me.
A pregnancy filled with a ton of memorable stories and events.
I can’t wait to share MY amazing birth story.